LISTENING FOR GOD’S CALL
A Guide for discerning God’s will in your life.
What is Discernment?
Discernment is the art of sifting, separating and distinguishing our interior thoughts and feelings to better know and understand our own desires in light of the will of God. We are constantly making decisions as we go about our lives. Many decisions can be made simply by engaging our own intellect. Questions such as which car shall I buy, or which university should I apply for can be a process of weighing up the pros and cons using our God given intellect.
There are however some decisions that are irreversible and have such an impact on our lives that we must take them carefully. For some of these decisions, we already know God’s will. The decision to be baptised, to be confirmed, are clearly in God’s will as a part of the initiation of all Catholics. Other decisions are less clear – both options are approved by the Church, but will take us in different directions. The decision to be married, who to marry, and the decision to become a priest are all decisions in this category. It’s right to marry, it’s right to become a priest, but what is God calling me to do and be? It’s in making these decisions that we need the practice of discernment.
Discernment weighs our desires against one another whilst surrendering these desires to the will of God, in order to determine which decision aligns with the influence of the Holy Spirit in our lives and the desires that the Holy Spirit has placed within our hearts. Discernment is a deep reflection on one’s own desires through an active engagement with the divine, acknowledging that God is at the centre of this process and that we seek God’s will for our lives. Through discernment, we can make decisions that bring us into unity with the will of God, while avoiding those actions that draw us further away.
This guide sets out a process for utilising Ignatian discernment to support a deep listening to God. It provides a structured and reflective framework for making good choices. It might be suitably applied to a range of significant decisions, such as discerning a call to the priesthood, religious life or marriage, a decision in family life, a career change, or other major life events. It is important to be patient and allow sufficient time for discernment to make a good decision. Nonetheless, it is also said that ‘ever since discernment became popular, no one has made a decision since!’ The goal of discernment is to make a decision, not to consider the same question perpetually. Once that discernment is made, and a decision is taken, then we journey ahead in light of that decision.
1. Clarify Your Question
The first step in discernment is to clarify the question. What is it that you are trying to decide? This decision must be practical and something you can decide, as opposed to something hypothetical or outside your authority. When you make the decision, something will or won’t happen as a result.
To begin crafting your question, it is crucial to narrow your discernment as much as possible and structure it in one of two ways’.
1. A decision between doing or not doing something: I am called to become a priest, or I am not.
2. A decision between two options: I will get married, or I will become a priest.
In some cases, an individual is not yet ready to discern a final outcome – like being ordained to priesthood – so the question might be in relation to preliminary steps: ‘I will apply to become part of the Canali program.’ This question is the ‘object of your discernment.’ In this case it lowers the consequences of the decision to simply discern the next step rather than the final outcome, keeping in mind that a discernment for priesthood (as with marriage), involves others – does the Church also discern that you are called to this ministry.
Formulate your question here by choosing one format and typing it out below.
There will be an option to save your answers at the end.
“For I know the plans I have for you,
says the Lord, plans for welfare and not
for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”Jeremiah 29:11 RSVCE
2. Get Informed
Discernment is not gambling; it utilises both the spiritual and empirical to allow for making a good choice. At this point, you should gather information to be as informed as possible so as to make the best decision. You need to know the facts and engage your brain before you start to discern. Sometimes the facts answer the question for you. For example, if you’re considering priesthood and you’re already married, then you already have an answer. If you’re considering married diaconate and you’re only 25, you’ll discover that you have to be 35 to be ordained a married deacon. Research anything you don’t know and determine the specifics to create a fuller picture, consider the consequences of the decision, list the costs, locations, timeline, required actions and people involved. Speak to key people in your life, including trusted mentors, friends and family. Check in with those who will be affected by this decision. Using this information gathered, produce a pros and cons list of the decision, listing why you should or should not decide one way or the other.
Is the decision:
Pros and Cons:
3. Seek God’s Will in Prayer
Prayer is the cornerstone of the entire discernment process. Pope Francis said that when discernment is learned, it “enables spiritual experience to be lived in an ever more beautiful and orderly manner. Above all, discernment is a gift from God, which must always be asked for, without our ever presuming to be expert and self-sufficient.” (Gonçalves SJ, “Listening To One’s Heart.”)
This step requires bringing your formulated question to prayer, placing it before God. In Ignatian discernment, we engage the concepts of consolation and desolation. These terms can be defined as follows:
Consolation:
“When some interior movement in the soul is caused, through which the soul comes to be inflamed with love of its Creator and Lord.”
Spiritual Exercises, § 316
Desolation:
“The contrary of consolation, such as darkness of soul, disturbance in it, movement to things low and earthly, the unquiet of different agitations and temptations, … as if separated from the Creator and Lord.”
Spiritual Exercises, § 317
As you pray, avoid presuming to know the outcome; examine your feelings for movements of consolation and desolation as you pray about each option. Pray that God would give you clarity so that your experience of prayer grants you the insight to know God’s will. Be attentive, you will notice what is happening in your spiritual experience through an awareness stirring in your heart and in your thoughts. What new thoughts have risen as a result of prayer? These feelings and insights reveal the movement of the Holy Spirit and your desires. Seek the option that will best glorify God and be the best expression of your authentic self. Write these thoughts down so that you can reflect on them again later.
“Our only desire and our one choice should be this: I want and I choose what better leads to God’s deepening life in me.”
St. Ignatius Loyola
4. Examine Your Motives and Will
In light of the pros and cons developed in stage 2 and your prayer experiences in stage 3, examine your heart in prayer, reflecting on what is motivating you for a given decision. When we are motivated by an ideal or a sense of personal promotion and self-elevation, we are motivated by pride, and pride is not from God. Why do you want to be a priest or join a religious order? Why do you want to be a husband or wife? If love is to will the good of the other, what role does love have in your motivation?
Over time, you will find that you are being drawn towards one option rather than the other. Typically, this will not be the result of one prayer time but revealed over time in a relationship with God. Continue asking for the Holy Spirit’s guidance in drawing your heart towards an option. Discernment asks us to choose the most effective option, leading to the “end for which we are created.” (Gonçalves SJ, “Listening To One’s Heart.)
Throughout this process, we must continually return to God in prayer. This is not one step but an ongoing reality for listening to God and seeking to discern God’s will. This means we are deeply aware of our own humanity and our ability to confuse our own desires with God’s will. Remaining open throughout the process enables us to seek confirmation in prayer for what we believe we are discerning. Continue to examine your motivations, testing your discernment in prayer and being attentive to those moments of consolation and desolation.
5. Pray For Openness
6. Seek Spiritual Consolation
As you come to the end of the discernment process, with your preferred option in mind, seek consolation from God. Such consolation is necessary to see if there is confirmation from God or if the preferred option reflects our own will. Does imagining taking that decision fill us with faith, hope and love? If you are experiencing uncertainty at this point, you will likely need to repeat steps three and four until there is a sense of consolation.
7. Decide
At this point, armed with information, prayer, counsel, support and spiritual consolation, it is time to make the decision. Taking the first step and expressing a concrete desire to follow a particular course can be daunting. Yet, we must be willing to trust in God’s providence and boldly follow Christ in our lives. Decide one way or the other. Trust in God and allow yourself to choose, recognising that in almost every decision, there will always be a percentage of uncertainty.
8. Confirm the Decision
Having made the decision, live with it for a while, wait a week or a month and if you still feel confident in that discernment, start taking steps in your chosen direction. Remember that once we have discerned and made a decision, we don’t keep discerning. We walk ahead in the confidence of that discernment. There are key points along every journey when your decision can be confirmed again. If it’s a decision for the priesthood, this decision will be tested at the Quo Vadis retreat, then by the Archbishop, and then at various points along the seminary journey.
Trust in God’s providence. Consider the Apostle Peter seeing Jesus walk on water in Matthew 14. His own discernment to walk on water is quick and simple, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” Jesus said, “Come.” So, Peter got out of the boat, started walking on the water, and came toward Jesus.” It’s only when Peter takes his eyes off Jesus that he begins to sink. Let’s not overcomplicate discernment.
It can be scary to take the first step and express a concrete desire to follow a particular course. Yet, we must be willing to take a risk, have the courage to make a firm decision and be bold in following Christ with our lives. Many people spend too long waiting, afraid to take that step. The process of discernment, no matter how considered and strategic, is always an invitation to make a choice in faith. When you make a faith-led decision, God will give you peace, even if it’s daunting and challenging.
“To the preacher who kept saying, ‘We must put God in our lives,’ the Master said, ‘God is already there. Our business is to recognise this.’”
Anthony de Mello, S. J.
Next Steps
-
If you need additional support, we are here to walk with you and connect you to the right people to help you discern your calling. Organise a time to chat with our team and learn about our discernment programs.
-
We cannot discern God’s will for our lives without having a community to journey with and call us forward. The Church, as the body of Christ, is called to build each other up. No person is an island; we all need a community to grow in faith.
-
God, I thank You for the gifts You have given me, especially for life, love, family and friends. Help me to know myself better and to know my talents as I pray and discern. Help me see and understand the path You open for me. Help me choose the decision that will be in response to my potential and Your love for me. Wherever I am being invited to follow You, give me a generous heart to respond to Your call and the strength to follow You wherever You lead me.
We ask this through Christ our Lord, Amen.
St. Joseph, Pray for us.
St. Ignatius of Loyola, Pray for us.
St. Alphonsus Liguori, Pray for us
“Jesus never forces you to follow him, never. Jesus lets you know his will, with all his heart he lets you know things, but he leaves you free.”
Pope Francis