“I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH HIM WHO STRENGTHENS ME”

(PHIL 4: 13).

keeping my focus on His face

Saint Ignatius of Loyola once said, “you wish to reform the world? Reform yourself [first].” My entire discernment journey started (and will continue) with the want/need to become a better person. If I can be a better person, then I can be a better disciple.

Life has not always been smooth sailing for me; however, I should not complain in comparison to many people’s lives. By the age of fifteen, things were not going so well. I searched for meaning, purpose, and happiness in other people and material goods. This led me down a dark path; I was in serious trouble with many different people and authorities. I had developed various illnesses, and I was unhappy with who I was and who I was becoming. I continued this way of life for 12 years until I had a re-conversion experience on a mission trip in Uganda. To cut a long story short, Uganda led me to serve with Net Ministries, and Net Ministries played a part in me joining the Seminary in 2017.

The biggest challenge that I faced in my discernment journey was myself. I had lived a full and colourful life, and when I looked at those priests and Seminarians, I knew they all seemed so perfect to me. I questioned my abilities and worthiness. I thought, why me? There were many other people who I thought would be better suited to the role. But God did not call them, He called me, and I had to act. If everyone left important things up to those they thought would be better at the job, nothing would get done. God does not call the equipped; He equips the called.

As I discerned the right decision two things stood out to me. Firstly, I felt God saying to me that “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me” (Phil 4: 13). I just needed to step out onto the water and keep my focus on His face and not the storm around me. If I believed that I could do it, if it was the work of God, and I worked hard, I could do anything, and everything would fall into place. Secondly, it was a simple decision; it was either a yes or a no, and I thought it was either a yes or no to God, so I felt that I had better say yes.

Despite all that went through my mind during my initial discernment, I have enjoyed every moment of the formation process. I have noticed that the reasons I joined the Seminary have not been the reasons I stayed in the Seminary and will most likely not be the reasons I will (potentially) be ordained. Namely, as I grow and change and my relationship with God deepens throughout this formation process, my goals, desires and dreams have deepened and changed as well.

Presently, I find and experience God the most during praise and worship and traditional liturgies. I feel God in equal amounts through listening to the likes of Emmanuel worship (‘desire’ is my favourite song) and in singing Latin or Gregorian chants. I am deeply attracted by the immense diversity, beauty, and potential that our Church, the sleeping giant, holds. I am in love with our mother Church, and I desire nothing more than to see her and the entire faithful shake with life and joy. And finally, I am very excited about my (potential) future ministry as a priest and the future of our great Church.